The Bandits of Bexley
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle,
I’ve information reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I know the councillors of Bexley and I quote the lies hysterical,
From porcine to statistical, in order chronological.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters topical,
I understand concerns social and residential,
About incompetency, I’m steaming with a lot o’ news,
With many tearful facts about council tax misuse.
I’m not very good at infernal or indifferent acidulous,
I know the specific names of beings callous,
In fact, in matters reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle.
I know their mythic history, mayor Clark’s and Craske the obnox,
I ask esoteric, would he claim for a pair of sox?
I quote in italics all the non crimes in the lane of the omnibus,
In comics, I could store bent particulars, humongous.
I can’t tell undoubted rogues from Geraldene and Zeb or any,
I know the uncloaking chorus of the Blogs of others, so many,
Then I can rerun figures of which I’ve heard the denials of sin afore,
And whistle blow all the affairs of that internal nonsense before;
Then I can write a freedom of information request form
And tell you every detail of Councillors non conform.
In fact, in matters reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle.
In fact, when I know who is demeaned by naming and unravellin,
When I can tell a slight Crackpot from a trifling cretin,
When such affair stories and surprises I’m no more weary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “Dirty Rat”.
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern skulduggery,
When I know more of tactics with no vice perfunctory.
In short, when I’ve no smattering of elemental political strategy,
You’ll see no better blogger chronicle has never lied and agree
For my knowledge, if lucky I’ll avoid the penitentiary,
Has only been to bring about the beginning of local democracy,
In fact, in matters reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle.
I’ve knowledge in all areas altruistic and didactical,
From the utilitarian to totally practical;
I know the dates of events apparently wonderful but sinister,
I even know how short a time John Davey was not a fibster.
I know the laws of emotion, hysteretic and puritanical,
In many ways I’m an exposer of schemes tyrannical
With knowledge of how disingenuous an ancient statute is unmade,
I always demand however trivial, the pursuit is stayed!
The one thing I don’t understand in anything Orwellian,
Except it’s played in chambers that I don’t get let in.
But still, in matters reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle.
I have acquired prowess for communicating electronical
I know how to diversify and show up with Hyper Textual,
I’ve mastered all devices pertaining to the stoical,
From unrestricted, anaphoric speech to slightly musical;
Informed generic programs, I’m a stickler for syntax you see,
I undertake all accounts of matters, however tricky,
I know our council’s history, from self styled celebrities,
to hypocrites, refuseniks and such current Conservative nonentities.
Jumping to the tune of the fat controller O’Neill
Now cameras in chambers? Misdeeds no longer will conceal
I recall vividly a mayor with jabbing pen or finger
And memories without sound enhancement will forever linger.
A public meeting illegally closed by Cheryl Bacon, now a notoriety.
Five members of the public disrupting? In ways of variety?
The lies compounding by Tyler, I’ll index for all to see
‘cos I know “truth is the daughter of time not authority” †
The only thing I shouldn’t get is a letter of “Prevention of Harassment”,
Except it’s gets debated to the council’s embarrassment
But still, in matters reliable, truthful and undeniable,
I am the very model of a modern blogger chronicle.
