12 March (Part 1) - The chocolate teapot
His
success in exposing the false accounting councillor Craske (TLC) used to excuse
his tripling of the price of Residents’ Parking Permits does not make Nicholas Dowling a
popular man in council circles. His questions at meetings have provoked
the mayor into losing her cool several times, last week she even
lost her wrist watch, and she just doesn’t understand Dennis
Healey’s old adage, ‘When in a hole stop digging’ or in teapot
terminology, ‘keep your lid on’.
To prove the point
the mayor wrote a letter to Nick
complaining that he didn’t clap loudly enough when he found himself part of an audience at an awards ceremony.
He wasn’t even supposed to be there, the council had messed up its published
schedule of meetings. What the hell is a mayor doing picking out individual
members of the public and taking the trouble to write to them saying their
“appreciation had been parsimonious”? But all credit to Nick; of all the people in
the council chamber, the mayor couldn’t keep her eyes off him. It must be love!
Last Wednesday Nick attempted to draw the mayor’s attention to an error in the
minutes that had become available only a few minutes earlier. Minutes which the
mayor had already acknowledged no one
had had time to read. Nick got a put down and the unread minutes got signed off, mistake
and all. As I said, the mayor is no Dennis Healey so she piled in with an email to Nick. It said…
It is because I am “a Chairwoman with so many years of self-acknowledged
experience” that I adhere strictly to standing orders, protocols and laid
down procedures. If residents have concerns that they want to express,
there are many ways for them to do so and I advise them to take advantage of
these facilities. There is accountability and openness at every stage of
the Councils committee process, which are open for residents to participate in.
To try to engage in that process at the ratifying stage is not particularly
helpful to either party.
The Council does not produce verbatim minutes. Verbatim responses to questions from both the public and Members
are produced, along with written replies to question that were not reached.
These are produced approximately a week later. You can find everything
that you wish to know on the Council’s web site. I (sic) appears, from
your questions, that you are not particularly aware of how formal meetings are
structured. May I suggest that you study Citrine’s ABC of
Chairmanship, edited by Michael Cannell and Norman Citrine? It is a very
useful book for people wishing to understand more about formal
procedures, processes and associated matters to do with official meetings.
I hope that my email helps you in understanding Bexley Council a bit more but
please do not hesitate to look anything up on the web site, that you are still
not sure about.
Condescending eh? I suppose you want to know what happened next? I’m sorry it’s
going to have to wait, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and rolling
around with mirth at what is coming next from Nick. No I’m sorry I can’t go on,
this is just too hilarious.
Before I go I should explain my use of the teapot joke. It came to me from one
of the mayor’s own lieutenants. He said she is an embarrassment and as much use as
a chocolate teapot. No I am not making that up, he really said it and not
anonymously either. Why would I make something up and risk being caught out for
that when there are so many other provable events to draw on? The phrase “a
Chairwoman with so many years of self-acknowledged experience” is drawn from one
of Nick’s emails to the mayor and I believe a reference to
the ‘God’s gift’
to chairmanship letter she sent to me.